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I think no matter what you do you’re going to be great. You have a great spirit about you and you’re going to be successful and if you’re not, that’s okay, because you’re going to be happy regardless. So, relax, you’re going to be okay.
My friends give great advice for calming me.

Winner

Normally, when I get into these awful funks, I watch How I Met Your Mother. It’s a tradition starting back to December 2013 when my ex-boyfriend decided to terminate our relationship on Christmas Day. Asshole. Who does that?

Moving along…

It hit me a few days ago how the characters on HIMYM are practically the same age as myself. I’m pretty convinced this is the reason why I treat this show as my quarter-life crisis binky (or security blanket to some, whatever). 

The episode, Subway Wars is probably my recent favorite since it goes on a lame bet to find Woody Allen in New York and the fastest way to get to the location.

Ted breaks down the real importance of this juvenile bet. It’s not about the sake of seeing Woody Allen, but how everyone is having an awful week and really needs a win.

For the past few days, hell, weeks, I’ve been needing a win really, really badly. Whether it’s a cruddy first date or something. I’m thinking more along the lines of a decently paying job and change of scenery, whatever, I just need a fat piece of good to crash down on my world instead of these soupy douces pouring out on me. 

A duce is of course, poop.

Within the past year…

My great-grandpa died

Aunt Died

I quit my job

I pursued production assistant and only had three gigs. One was paying…

Aunt Died

I didn’t work most of the year

I had a boyfriend, but we all know how that ended…

I started this year attempting to date.

I still didn’t have a job

Got fired from a really shady job

Got hired at a bookstore for about four months

Didn’t get into graduate school

Got laid off

Jobless

A lot has happened, bad and some good in the mix, but at the same time, I feel so incredibly…low. While remaining upbeat about all this chaos, I’m trying to find a happy place and optimism in a very gloomy situation. Plus, I’m just ready to get back in the groove of working, cranking out the good stuff and moving out. I’d like to make friends too. I need to build a support system.

Everyone has some piece of excitement looming in their lives (then I uninstalled Facebook on my phone and turned off notifications because I started comparing where I’m at). Some of my friends are celebrating their wedding anniversary, new baby, homes, new jobs, etc and I feel…stuck.

I know things like this don’t last forever and God must be brewing a mega win for me, but I’d like to at least hop in on it now. I think more than anything, I need a confidence booster to not feel like such a loser as I have been these past few months. I’m an incredibly Blessed lady no matter what the circumstances are and I thank God for that constantly, but I need something…. 

I really need a win.

Resume Shaming: Oh, go ‘employ’ yourself!

Hi Friends, 

I’ve been working on my resume for the past couple of days trying to re-up myself and insert a few buzzwords here and there as I prepare to start hiring for “the big league jobs,” and I came across an article about “every employer expects basic level knowledge of Microsoft.” 

Translation: This is the 21st century, if you can’t write a email or function in Word, you’re SOL. (shit out of luck) 

It made me think about the worst interview I went on last year for an agency position. I was leaving one company and turning around going back to the same damn thing. I know, makes no sense, whatever. 

Anywho, as I’m sitting in the interview, he reads my resume and said, “microsoft office, yeah because no one knows how to work that,” in a very snide tone. 

I went from excited, to lukewarm, to not really interested in being part of their team. There’s nothing worse I hate during an interview is when an potential employer starts resume shaming you and your skillset, even if it is Microsoft Office, BUDDY! 

Obviously, I didn’t get the job and they went with another candidate in which in return I was quite, um, elated to say the least. 

I’ve been feeling pretty crummy about my job search but what’s most important is if you’re looking for the right position, it’s out there, a lot like soulmates, eventually, you two are going to cross paths. It may be you two just start off as friends, but I think people can see the potential from the start. 

Hang in there tiger 

"You can fail at something you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance doing what you love."
“Now fear is going to be a player in life, but you get to decide how much. You can spend your whole life imagining ghosts, worrying about the pathway to the future, but all it will ever be is what’s happening here, the decisions in that we make in this moment, which are based in either love or fear. So many of us choose our path out of fear disguised as practicality. What we really want seems impossibly out of reach and ridiculous to expect, so we never dare to ask the universe for it.”
- Jim Carrey, Maharishi School of Management commencement speech 2014

"You can fail at something you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance doing what you love."

“Now fear is going to be a player in life, but you get to decide how much. You can spend your whole life imagining ghosts, worrying about the pathway to the future, but all it will ever be is what’s happening here, the decisions in that we make in this moment, which are based in either love or fear. So many of us choose our path out of fear disguised as practicality. What we really want seems impossibly out of reach and ridiculous to expect, so we never dare to ask the universe for it.”

- Jim Carrey, Maharishi School of Management commencement speech 2014

I haven’t dated in a really long time. Most the girls I’ve dated, I’ve already known for awhile so this is all new to me, y’know? It’s strange, it’s weird, so um…I will say this, I really like you, I think you’re awesome and um, in the movies they say, “i’ll call you” and I’m suppose to wait a day or something? But, (beat) …yeah. I will call you and we shall go out again.

The real estate agent with the saloon mustache

  • Customer: Mickey Mouse, I like your shirt.
  • Me: (Looks down) Thanks!
  • Customer: You know, I have MIckey Mouse with me too.
  • Me: Is he tattooed on you?
  • Customer: (walks over behind the counter and raises up one pants leg revealing a prosthetic leg)
  • Me: (looking down and at the man sympathetic)
  • Customer: I got a Mickey Mouse leg so children wouldn't be afraid of my leg. When they ask me what happend, I tell them it ran away and if you see a leg going down the street with the rest of Mickey that it's my leg. I see kids who are about to get amputated and they're scared about what's going to happen and Mickey is a sign that it's going to be okay.

I didn’t think I was a comedian until today. Every day either between 9am-5pm, 11am-7pm or 2:30-10:30pm, I stand behind a counter, ring up customers at a bookstore and make them laugh.

It gives me this weird inspiration for my own characters.

I had a dream I moved to New York City and had this really huge apartment in Brooklyn but I was living with my italian relatives (I’m not Italian, btw). I had just won my NBC competition and needed a place to crash and they gave me this huge room. A lot of people were there I had to meet and get to know. Then, there was this really huge backyard where I could go fishing and run my toes through the grass.

Hmm…I really liked the place, I liked telling people what I was working on and that I’m going to be a wealthy enough, well known writer for NBC. Some people laughed, but the guy I was staying with hit me on the back and said “atta girl!” He winked and said “I know you’re going to be the “it” girl.”